Tom Hanks’ Character in Cast Away Revealed to Have Masturbated, Like a Lot

LOS ANGELES, CA – In a new director’s cut of Cast Away (2000), Chuck Noland, the main character played by Tom Hanks, is shown to have masturbated a considerable amount while stranded on the deserted island. Director Robert Zemeckis based this new edition on the first draft of the original screenplay, which had just pages upon pages of Chuck pleasuring himself in a tropical paradise. In many instances, Chuck’s only friend Wilson is forced to watch the acts of self-gratification as he is an inanimate volleyball and doesn't have the ability to turn away. “Remember those scenes in which Chuck would look at the locket containing his wife’s picture?” Wilson asks. “In the original movie those moments felt lovingly sincere. But in reality, they are just the precursor to a violently sad jerk session followed by tears and loneliness.” The extended film shows how Chuck ultimately decides not to kill himself because he finally realizes that beating off all day under the shade of a coconut tree really isn’t that bad of a life. Zemeckis says the studio initially forced him to cut the crank scenes because it would be “too realistic.” The director asked, “I mean, honestly, what would you do?”

"Say something dirty, Wilson!"