Palm Reader Tells Homeless Man Things Are Going to Get Worse

MILWUAKEE, WI – Queen Mystique, also known as Karen Sandburg, told area homeless man Gerald “Crazy Eyes” Martin that things are most definitely going to get worse. Crazy Eyes paid Queen Mystique’s $3.00 asking fee in change, about 3 hours of work for the local beggar, before she invited him into her velvet hut in Veterans Park. “First, I looked at his employment line, which faded a long time ago,” Ms. Mystique recounted. “Finding a new job just isn’t in the cards, as they say. Further, based on his life line, his health is going to continue to deteriorate, especially since he doesn’t have very prominent insurance indicators in his fate line.” Palm readers tend to take into account other hand markings, and Mr. Martin’s unpronounced Mercury line shows that communication is difficult for him; his Apollo crease points to an especially harsh upcoming Wisconsin winter; and the tracks in his wrist indicate that he’s addicted to heroin. Ms. Mystique would have looked at the Saturn line on this left hand, which might have provided some hope, but Crazy Eyes refused to put down his 40oz bottle of Olde English. After Crazy Eyes left, Queen Mystique read the palms of Aaron Bradley, the son of local CEO Jonathan Bradley, and told him he was going to have a long and prosperous life.

As good as it's going to get