HOUSTON, TX – After
years of steroid use in Major League Baseball, player scrutiny has
reached an all-time high, but we can all pretty much agree that the Houston
Astros are definitely not cheating. The Astros currently own a record of 33-61,
making them the worst team in baseball. Many believe that the team is a beacon
of truth and proof that the game is like really, really hard. Geoffrey Wright,
leader of MLB Compliance explains, “You don’t even need a drug test to know
these guys are playing it straight—all you need is a box score. I mean look at
some of these players’ stats. Carlos Pena is hitting .212 right now, so he
obviously isn't getting any help. Lucas Harrell has an ERA of 5.07! There is
absolutely no way he’s using anything that enhances his performance.” With this
kind of logic, it’s safe to assume that the Milwaukee Brewers, Minnesota
Twins, Miami Marlins, and Chicago White Sox are also not currently cheating. “Oh,
and the Chicago Cubs. They've never cheated. Ever. Obviously.” The MLB is
testing everyone regardless of records though, and the Boston Red Sox, leading
the league in wins, actually came out clean. When asked how they can win so
many games without the use of PEDs, Wright said, “They have talented players.”
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| Astros fans should be very proud |
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