KANSAS CITY, MO –
The Kansas City Public Library released a YouTube video statement reminding
everyone that all of its services are completely free. “All our
shit, totally free,” said David Kemper, board president of the local library
since 2001. “No fooling. If you want a book—and we've got a shit ton—just swing
on by and check one out. Hell, check out 10. All you need is a library card.”
Mr. Kemper went on to say that he just doesn't understand why anyone would pay
Amazon or Barnes & Nobel for books that they can “literally get free of
fucking charge” at Kansas City’s beautiful library. “And books aren't even the
fucking half of it,” exclaimed Mr. Kemper as he started banging his desk with
his fists. “Shit, we have a whole fuck load of movies and all the newspapers
and magazines you could fucking ask for. And you’re paying for Wi-Fi at your
place? Well then you’re a fucking moron because we got all kinds of Wi-Fi up in
this shit. All for motherfucking free!” At press time, Mr. Kemper could be seen
hanging out by a local Redbox reminding would-be customers that they can save
their $1.29 because they better believe that “the KCPL has that shit.”
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| All this for zero fucking dollars |
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