NEW YORK, NY – Many
people celebrated last month when the U.S. Supreme Court ruled the Defense of
Marriage Act unconstitutional, thereby paving the way for same sex couples to
marry in the United States, but people are starting to realize that marriage
has always been gay kind of. "Well, first off," relays renowned
wedding coordinator Avery Scott, "a supposed straight marriage doesn't
even happen until a guy gets down on one knee, which is like half gay
already." From there, allegedly straight men start picking outfits,
analyzing center pieces, and talking thoughtfully about the strength of their
relationships with their many friends and family. "What can be gayer than
that?" Jared Hamilton, who claims he's straight, realized that he too has
dabbled in homosexuality when he remembered insisting to his then fiancé that
the floral colors include fuchsia and lemon chiffon because it would look great
in pictures. "I had no idea I was so gay," stated the enlightened Mr.
Hamilton. People are also beginning to realize that divorce—with its lawyers,
paperwork, general lack of fabulousness, and the fact that an overwhelming
majority of people identify themselves as divorced—is most definitely straight.
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| These queers got married in the Gayest Wedding of the Century |
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