Grand Duke of Luxembourg Wonders Why Phone Not Tapped

LUXEMBOURG CITY, LUXEMBOURG – Following reports that the U.S. government might have tapped the cellphone of German Chancellor Angela Merkel, Henri the Grand Duke of Luxembourg wants to know why, well, why his phone wasn't tapped. “Am I not good enough?!” exclaimed the Luxembourg head of state who also goes by the name Henri Albert Gabriel Félix Marie Guillaume. “Luxembourg is a keystone in the European Union, bordering Belgium, France, and Germany! What, does the U.S. not think I know a thing or two about what’s going on in those countries? I’m in the loop.” The proud descendant of Jean Benoît Guillaume Robert Antoine Louis Marie Adolphe Marc d'Aviano pointed out that the Luxembourg army has over 900 trained civilians, and, in addition to being part of the EU, Luxembourg is a central member of NATO, the OECD, and the United Nations. “I mean, if I was Obama, I would want to know what I was saying. Perhaps I’m up to no good.” Following the interview, Henri, the first cousin of the current King of the Belgians by the way, was looking for Kim Jong Un’s phone number.

I get no respect, no respect.