EARTH – Citing rampant
pollution, never ending infighting, and continued wastefulness of her natural
resources, Mother Earth made the very difficult decision on Tuesday to put all
of us up for adoption. After giving a valiant effort for the past 100,000
years, she came to the realization that she just can’t handle our childish
behavior anymore. “I think back to the time before I had all you humans,” Mother
Earth recalled in an emotional press release, “and more, and more I look back
on those quiet years with fondness.” She has been raising us as a single mom
since God left Mother Earth in 1928. By herself, she was unable to stop us from
causing the Great Depression, two World Wars, a holocaust, nuclear explosions,
chemical warfare, and unbridled terrorism. On top of all that, Mother Earth said
that we have left her “ransacked and barren” as we have “poked and prodded” her
in our incessant, obsessive need for more energy resources despite the fact
that her brother Sun is staring us all in the face. “I have tried to warn you
with global warming and what I thought to be an obvious increase in natural
disasters, but you all have done nothing to change your juvenile habits,”
Mother Earth cried. She sent out a call to the rest of the universe in the
hopes that someone else might be willing to take care of us. As of press time,
no one has answered.
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| Go apologize to your Mother! |
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