Village Idiot Still Using iOS6

SPRINGFIELD, IL – Albert Malas, known around the local town as a 41-year-old moron with absolutely no technical knowledge whatsoever, is reportedly still using iOS6 on his iPhone despite iOS7 being released yesterday. “Albert has always been a little late to the party,” said Jeremy Baird, the local gas station attendant, as he flipped through Apple’s new operating system, which includes an amazingly bright color palate and highly functional user interface. “I mean, iOS7 was released like 86,428 seconds ago. You know how many minutes that is? Get with the program already.” The foolish Mr. Malas could be seen fumbling through the outdated iOS6, which was released all the way back in September of 2012, on his silly little iPhone 4S. “I’m fine with iOS6,” said the simpleton who is completely satisfied with only four rows of icons on his junky mobile device. Like a total dullard, Mr. Malas tried to justify his being so far behind the times. “Honestly, I just use it for calling, email, and ESPN, and it works just fine.” After repeated ribbing by his very patient family and friends, the dolt finally upgraded to iOS7 two seconds before iOS7.1 was released.

7 is higher than 6, dummy